When we see a friend or loved one experiencing significant mental health issues, our instinct is to try to help, yet obstacles, including stigma of mental health, are often hard to overcome. A recent commentary by Ken Duckworth, M.D., and Nickki Rashes in the APA journal Focus offers some insights on how to help a loved one reach out for mental health care.

Rather than using the concept of stigma, Duckworth, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), suggests in the commentary that this issue is best thought of in three parts: • What is inside a person, such as shame. • What they are worried could happen in terms of their social world, such as prejudice. • Concerns about a discriminatory event, such as losing a job.

There are many paths people take, Duckworth explains: “Some individuals learned through their own experience, some through the support of family, and some found a peer to help them.”

Simply telling a person what to do is likely to draw an opposing reaction. Drawing on the research of William Miller on motivational interviewing, Duckworth suggests that a more effective strategy for most people involves careful listening. Listen to what the person wants, such as a better job or a relationship, and work with them to take steps toward achieving their goal.

Nikki Rashes, co-author on the commentary and Director of Training and Program Development at NAMI, previously shared her lived experience with a mental health condition in the NAMI book, “You Are Not Alone.” In the commentary, Rashes reflected on two key motivators in her life that helped lead her to mental health help: her relationship with her mother and her college education. “The reason I went to that first psychiatrist was not because I wanted help; it was because my mom needed me to.” She saw that it hurt her mom to see her struggling with her emotions. She was also strongly motivated to complete college and recognized that getting help would help her achieve that goal.

Rashes notes that “acceptance of being diagnosed as having a mental illness is not simple.” She explains that acceptance happens on multiple levels, such as recognizing that “mental illness is a medical condition and taking medication for it is not weak or shameful.” Another key step for Rashes was seeing people with mental health conditions be successful and living happy and productive lives. Seeing people overcome issues and cope with challenges was key. She found this through NAMI’s In Our Own Voice program, which involves presentations of personal perspectives of mental health conditions from people with lived experience.