At the start of the year, many people set resolutions and intentions for enhancing their emotional well-being. One tool that can help improve psychological well-being is the practice of self-compassion. Many people find themselves being quite critical towards themselves. Some people believe that they are not good enough and that they don’t deserve compassion. In the long term, excessive self-criticism may contribute to depleting one’s emotional reservoir.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion means treating oneself with kindness and gentleness, with a caring, soothing, and understanding attitude, especially when experiencing difficult life experiences or personal shortcomings.(1) All humans experience suffering, are imperfect and make mistakes. Self-compassion involves considering one's experience as a part of the human experience.(1) Self-compassion also involves acknowledging and being present with one’s feelings through non-judgmental awareness and noticing.

Why practice self-compassion?

Studies show that self-compassion is associated with psychological well-being and that it may help enhance prosocial behavior, resilience, empathy, connectedness, and positive feelings such as happiness, optimism and curiosity.(1,3) Self-compassion has also been associated with more stable self-worth over time, with less dependence on success or failure.(1,2,3) Practicing self-compassion may also help reduce excessive self-criticism and rumination around one’s shortcomings.(4) Many people worry that if they extend compassion towards themselves, they will become complacent or lax towards their goals. However, the opposite is true. Self-compassion may help one perform better by being more open to self-reflection and change and learning from one’s mistakes with less self-criticism.(1). A study by Kristen Neff, Ph.D., and colleagues found that self-compassion was associated with less fear of failure and higher “perceived competence,” which in turn may enable individuals to be more proactive in learning and growing.(5) Another study found that students with greater levels of self-compassion were less likely to avoid participation in the classroom and more likely to ask questions and seek help.(6)

The common humanity component of self-compassion reminds us that many people may be experiencing similar life experiences. Keeping this bigger picture perspective can help reduce the sense of isolation.

How to practice self-compassion

The practice of self-compassion involves noticing and acknowledging one’s suffering and any associated thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way, recognizing that many people may be feeling similarly or experiencing similar life circumstances, and extending soothing gentleness and kindness to oneself. Self-compassion views imperfections and painful life circumstances as part of the human condition, so that one’s inadequacies and circumstances are considered from a broader lens of the shared, common human experience. This can help one feel more connected to others and less isolated when experiencing suffering.(3)

One way to get started is with a written exercise such as writing a letter to oneself from the standpoint of a compassionate friend. Several guided practices and exercises are available at https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/.

While these practices may help improve overall emotional well-being, they are not a substitute for professional treatment for psychiatric conditions such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, or other. If you are concerned about your mental health, please consult with your mental health professional.